on the ladder

the first writing ended in madness, but for twenty years the words stayed in your head trying to find shapes that would speak. this time you return to drafts of delusion, but the draughts of delusion return you to this time. on the ladder you think of what to write, the second coming. at that precise moment the words, the music and the man meld. meaning meets you and you understand the pulse of the place, the beating of hearts, the chorus of uncertainty, the construction from nothing, the coming back to fix the temple, the houses of sticks, the clutching of straws, the building with beaks. sometimes when the writing is good and the music is too it is like you are wired. as you listen, the melody, the lyric, prompts you, supports you, sings your sentence and the breeze pushes you, gives you direction, tells you which way to go, which path to follow. the breeze breathes.

Published – ‘time’ an anthology of microfiction and prose poetry ed Cassandra Atherton. Spineless Wonders, 2018

the end of water

(for dad)

let the water do the work

to find entropy

to smooth things

the dried breakfast cereal

the burnt pots and pans

the bends in rivers

the edges of the land

the mountains

the off leash beaches

the washed-up sea dragons

the unending plasticity

the skins of things

as I dry

the water leaves me

sunken faced

parched and rasping

but where does your water go

and did i breathe in yours

even as you gasped

even as i swabbed your mouth

even as you died

from South Coast Writers Centre(SCWC) 34-37 Degrees South 2022 Anthology
eds Linda Godfrey & Peter Frankis.

Photo – Perry Sandhills & the God Tree. Near the Barka (Darling) River, Wentworth NSW, May 2023

at wagga beach

on the weekends and after school you went down

to the beach and this was when you were young and

worrying about pubic hair, breasts and dickheads.

it was about a decade since you almost drowned

in the murrumbidgee at hay and well past that

memory of the woman who dragged you up when

you were heading down, downstream. seeking

shade those summers we unfurled our towels under

the red gums down at the beach where the river’s

curve stopped the sand. we walked upstream past

the caravan park to the rocks where we slid into the

river and swam to the other side, swinging on the

rope and jumping from the trees that overhung.

mostly we went with it and floated down to the

beach on tractor tubes or just with our bodies. it

was nice, waiting for the five o’clock wave. a kiss on

the other bank. a glimpse of your breast. walking

you home. it was a place to skim tennis balls.

but then once, across the river where the current

undercut, where we all jumped from the bank into

the river, someone decided to

dive

Bower bird blues

The bower birds

in my garden

go psychotic

when the jacaranda

blooms

fall

and litter the lawn

with purple tones.

The still-green males

pogo like punks

and their beat

goes on and on.

Androgenous groupies

get into the groove,

plucking yellow dietes

in accompaniment.

But the boys

really love the blues,

bouncing

in boisterous

bower rehearsals.

They really want to be black.

Poem from:  South Coast Writers Centre Anthology ‘Memory Box’, 2005

Photograph: Male bower bird in his power. Balgownie, 2008

an empty chair

the 11.39 from north gong took him towards the leadership course. from central station he walked up to martin place, before heading across hyde park to his destination on the corner of oxford and hope. people were practiced in giving him space, although some weren’t expecting his presence at that time and he could see their surprised recognition. mostly he looked into their eyes as he moved up past the great southern hotel. at the qvb he stopped at an art stall and chose a black and white print of three figures standing on chairs next to an empty one. it seemed plausible for the time was near. he stopped next at the tin of a man and his dog, before turning into the place where the homeless camp was moving. the tents and the soup kitchen were exposed and the awnings in front of the bank were boarded up blackboards with triangular chalkings of maslow’s hierarchy of needs. with nothing more to offer them, he stepped to the edge of the road and pressed the button.

Published – Australian Poetry Anthology, EDS Jill Jones & Bella Li, Vol 6 2018

Photo of Maslow’s hierachy of needs, by the author – Martin Place 18 July 2017

Kerbside collection

Take the broken things

from the side of the road

the rotted cedar setting

the tippling tables

the cathode ray tv

the rusted chair

the torn fabric

the fallen angels

the terracotta pots.

Take the broken things

from this derelict garden

the stumps of trees

the leaking pond

the crushed coral reef

the trembling crust

the pulsing core

the fractured pipe

the spent bromeliads.

Take the broken things

from inside your coat

the old fountain pen

the stitched in quote

the pieces of glass

the vow of love

the crumbled shell

the torn photograph

the strands of her hair.

Take the broken things

from the open tomb

the father.                         

the son

the desecrated host

the unwrapped shroud

the spilt wine

the children

the priests.

Take the broken things

from this punctured can

the first lines of a poem

the interrupted thought

the space between stanzas

the parts of speech

the vowels

the consonants.  

This sentence.

Published – Cordite Poetry Review 33: Creative Commons Ed Alison Croggon. 2010

Drawing by Mary Leunig, kindly in response to the poem.

It always begins at Central

Tim Heffernan

I walk that day seeking the signs carrying in my backpack Words, trustworthy and true. My letter to the Herald didn’t make the opinion’s page but I wasn’t surprised as it was poetry, Today’s clouded sky is a gauze bandage to heal this infection. It always begins at Central and I head down past the sleeping-bagged cocoons, still grubby and yet to emerge. In George Street two more are attached by dribbling threads to the steps of St Peter Julian and the Central Baptist Church. At Saint Andrew’s Cathedral a mural of Jonah and the whale reminds me, I called to the Lord out of distress and he answered me. So I cross the road and from the footpath pick up a card, a crossword–the Gospel truth, All that the Father gives me will come to me. And at Dymock’s I buy some Vonnegut, remembering the first time I was mad with Revelations and Slaughterhouse 5. At Martin Place the wreaths from Anzac Day remain clustered around the Cenotaph and I wonder if I am meant to cry, but there is no rainbow, only Lawrence begging in his great coat. After I palm him twenty, we take communion with the Continental Cup-a-Soup they are giving away. He is a socialist so when he doesn’t finish he hands me his remains and I drink them before we part. Still thirsting I head to the Mercantile but Duncan’s gallery trips me with Christ amongst the landscapes and for our family’s Bible I choose The Passion because Mel made it look real to me. I take these things with me to the Quay, only stopping to buy music from the Koories playing there. Climbing the concrete steps the Utzon Room is empty but for a suit coat draped on a chair near the tapestry so I try it on and it fits and I cry out in the Opera House. In the gardens of Farm Cove I pilfer the pockets for answers. Three pens, one a fountain and a message from Anais Nin stitched into the lining, Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. Inflated, I leave my words at the Art Gallery of NSW and at St Mary’s Cathedral I recite my mother’s rosary and pray, Make me the channel of your peace. I stop to speak to Lawrence again at the intersection of George Street and Ultimo Road and at Central a silent Jehovah’s Witness hands me a pamphlet to read on the train trip home.

___________________________________________________________________

Published – Stoned Crows and other Australian icons, prose poems and microfiction, Eds Julie Chevalier & Linda Godfrey. Spineless Wonders, 2013

Reasonable Delusions of a Religious Nature

1983 – 1985

I   Not sleeping – searching

Reality or phantasmagoria,

desperate love on a rented bed.

Insanity or elated perception,

a numbed litany that will be said.

Lie that winter freezing

on oil stained concrete.

She would not let you in

nor anoint your wearied feet.

Dreams escape from night time

persuading you to begin

to see the visions from without

as the visions from within.

Lyrics spiral from your head

and you tell that they too would see,

but your mind is jammed on 45

while the world revolves on 33.

Thirsting for guidance at 4 am

you tear the news from blinding twine.

This will be your medium

now you are drawn to the divining line.

 II   Looking for Jesus

Stare naked-eye the fire-ball

that glares from summer skies.

Stabs of needle-flash explode

and damn your welling eyes.

Share your marijuana

with a whore who feels the pain.

She really needs a needle

in that dark and creeping lane.

Pour away your poems

to a drunk who shares your beer.

Wash down the waste of words

when he listens but cannot hear.

Shake her from a sorrowful sleep

as she must rise then pray to see

the up and coming miracle

of Jesus on the late night TV.

 III   Stations of the Cross

Create the word and action

of the actors on the screen.

Puppets speak your saving thought

and you decipher what you mean.

Burning your montage of Mexico,

the mourning radio rumbles

the horror and fault of a second quake

as prophecy builds then crumbles.

Build an altar with your Bible

and sacrifice with flame.

You wonder as it goes up in smoke

just who in Hell to blame.

Your life becomes a metaphor

in a game you can’t deny.

The hill is your Calvary

so you walk weeping to crucify.

 IV   Escorted to Jerusalem

Spit syllables at your father

and blaspheme the missing Lord

in the antiseptic stench

of some sterile casualty ward.

Wake up in an ambulance

moving somewhere they wont explain.

Escort lights pulse blues ahead

and charge the wiper-scourging rain.

Pause in a half-way hospital

and repel the dribbling syringe.

Feel the weight of mocking wardsmen:

needle stabs to makes you cringe.

Strip past your nakedness

once they’ve pushed and shoved you in.

Squat in the blurred baptismal bath

while some angel records your sin.

 V   With the devils

Scream at the threatening needle

as they hold you down again.

Gag on your spastic tongue

and shudder in epileptic pain.

Scream too loud once too often

and be bound for the blackness cell.

Thump cement and howl at walls,

sit and shiver in soundproof hell.

Pester that nurse for more

than your hourly cigarette.

He’s had it up to here with you

so this time feel his threat.

Parade from doorless showers

in your pyjamas for the day:

the mismatched communal costume

for this acute, imprisoned play.

 VI   Mainstream communion

Smile weeping in the Rec Room

as music sings your fame.

Each new lyric is offered

in devotion to your name.

Queue for mad-house confectionery

fed from gleaming stainless steel.

Pick-me-up on obscured mornings:

at night-time so you-wont-feel.

Attempt to read her letters

through dazed, dilating eyes.

You cannot write the answers

as you know that someone lies.

Walk rigidly with Parkinson:

you are dealt another pill

to counter common side-effects

of chemicals that hold mind still.

Slouch the light-time in a stupor

in between the times you are fed.

You wish to obliterate the hours

before escape – a ward 12 bed.

 VII   Acts of the Apostles

Listen to the farmer

as he preaches the Holy Word.

He only spits out retribution

but that is why he’s heard.

Furtively inhale the weeds

collected on shepherded walks.

Peter says they’re just like dope

and more tumble-dry as he talks.

Observe straight-jacketed Magdalene

spray the nurse with mashed cuisine.

When untied she beats her pretty face

in Kenmore’s unmoved canteen.

Watch Matthew once more try suicide

as he adopts his familiar pose.

He stares out the blackness window

with a cigarette lighter stuffed up his nose.

Try to talk to Thomas

fresh from an ECT blur.

Believe the tell-tale dribble

and his mouth’s paralysed slur.

III   Spring Songs

You look into a mirror

and recollect a face.

Confess your grand delusion:

leave this unholy place.

Promises of Armageddon

to be unleashed when you were dead.

The asylum had been your shelter:

the atoms split inside your head.

Read six sane years later,

‘How we just missed World War III’.

This was your mad delusion.

Is it truth that you now see?

Each spring-time sense the surge

of see-saw swings to be swung:

tranquilise sensation

so these spring songs can’t be sung.

_________________________________

first published (in part and as separate poems)

THYLAZINE  #12/07   ISSN-1444-1594
The Australian Journal of Arts, Ethics & Literature

https://web.archive.org/web/20100416150936/http:/www.thylazine.org/

Photo. by Author – Balgownie, 7 April, 2020 (prior to an admission to Sutherland Mental Health Unit)

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.